He's just not the right brotha for me...

I'm single, and some days (Thank God, not many) I feel the sting of loneliness. Most days I'm just fine. On those days when I think I'm catching the love bug, I'll log on to one of my many online dating accounts, pay that one month fee and throw the dice.

But, before I go on, you're probably wondering why I have a lot of online dating website accounts. I am launching a website of my own called Blackfitandsingle.com. I've got to study the competition even while I patronize them. Now, back to the story.

After a few days of browsing profiles and responding (and not responding) to emails, I ran across a profile that got my attention. He wasn't a bad looking guy, especially if I compare him to the age 45 and up crowd who looked like they were festered with heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and the like. These men who are looking for women to commit themselves to caring for the sick for the rest of their lives, the little they had left of it. It wasn't their age that turned me off. It was the fact that they had simply given up on the health and well-being of their bodies. For me, that's a turn off. I digress...

So, this gentlemen catches my attention. He was a dark, big brotha. Great strong, forearms and biceps, a nice smile, and his written profile was positive. I noted that he could use a little help with grammar. But, I got his over all message. He didn't seem to have a lot of personal hang-ups. He embraced friendships even if a relationship didn't develop. He welcomed anyone to write him and he loved networking.

So, I responding to his email with a 'Thanks for writing me. I hope all is well with you.' He wrote back, and from there we started communicating which grew from emails to instant messages to telephone conversations.

During the first telephone conversation he seemed like a down brotha, reasonably intelligent with a sense of humor. What I failed to note on his profile is that he was a father of four children! What the hell was I going to do with a brotha with those many kids??? So as to not jump to conclusions I decided to listen (and I mean listen) to the brotha a little more. Is he a responsible dad? Is he paying child support? What kind of relationship does he have with the mothers (there are two) of his children? Is he employed? If so, is he 'gainfully' employed? He has to be gainfully employed to take care of four children and himself. And if he's looking for a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage, can he handle supporting four children, himself and his new household with his wife? So, I perked my ears and began to listen to the brotha a little more intensely.

He loves his children dearly and at one point had custody of them. But, without explaining the details he had to give them up. He works for a popular potato chip company as a truck driver and replenishes store shelves with the products. His ultimate goal at the present is to find a job that will pay him more money and keep his weekends free. The job he has his eyes on is a well-known office supply store where he would deliver stacks of papers and supplies to different companies. He considers $14.95 an hour better pay than what he's making now.

He has no political views and very little spiritual views. His dream seems to go as far as working as a truck driver for that well-known office supply company. One child lives in one state and the rest lives in another. I'm not sure how he supports his children off the salary he makes. I'm not sure if he's paying child support at all. My questions are what are his goals and plans for the future? How will he pay their college education? Does he have a college fund set up for them? If he doesn't, is he putting a plan in place to escalate his income for the sake of his children and even for the stable life he will need in order to date seriously?

Though he is reasonably handsome and seemingly a nice guy, he's not on his game. Though my interest for him practically deflated with the realization he had four children, had he shared some firm goals and plans to improve his life, there was a chance I would have perked up a bit and even offered to help him carry his plans through.

Call me shallow, materialistic, a gold digger, a typical black woman... call me whatever... But, my future would hang in the balance of his if anything were to get serious. I'm not out to just date for fun. I'm looking for what could be something serious. And a brotha has to come more correct than four kids and a potato chip driver with no dreams. That just ain't working for me....