He's just not the right brotha for me...

I'm single, and some days (Thank God, not many) I feel the sting of loneliness. Most days I'm just fine. On those days when I think I'm catching the love bug, I'll log on to one of my many online dating accounts, pay that one month fee and throw the dice.

But, before I go on, you're probably wondering why I have a lot of online dating website accounts. I am launching a website of my own called Blackfitandsingle.com. I've got to study the competition even while I patronize them. Now, back to the story.

After a few days of browsing profiles and responding (and not responding) to emails, I ran across a profile that got my attention. He wasn't a bad looking guy, especially if I compare him to the age 45 and up crowd who looked like they were festered with heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and the like. These men who are looking for women to commit themselves to caring for the sick for the rest of their lives, the little they had left of it. It wasn't their age that turned me off. It was the fact that they had simply given up on the health and well-being of their bodies. For me, that's a turn off. I digress...

So, this gentlemen catches my attention. He was a dark, big brotha. Great strong, forearms and biceps, a nice smile, and his written profile was positive. I noted that he could use a little help with grammar. But, I got his over all message. He didn't seem to have a lot of personal hang-ups. He embraced friendships even if a relationship didn't develop. He welcomed anyone to write him and he loved networking.

So, I responding to his email with a 'Thanks for writing me. I hope all is well with you.' He wrote back, and from there we started communicating which grew from emails to instant messages to telephone conversations.

During the first telephone conversation he seemed like a down brotha, reasonably intelligent with a sense of humor. What I failed to note on his profile is that he was a father of four children! What the hell was I going to do with a brotha with those many kids??? So as to not jump to conclusions I decided to listen (and I mean listen) to the brotha a little more. Is he a responsible dad? Is he paying child support? What kind of relationship does he have with the mothers (there are two) of his children? Is he employed? If so, is he 'gainfully' employed? He has to be gainfully employed to take care of four children and himself. And if he's looking for a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage, can he handle supporting four children, himself and his new household with his wife? So, I perked my ears and began to listen to the brotha a little more intensely.

He loves his children dearly and at one point had custody of them. But, without explaining the details he had to give them up. He works for a popular potato chip company as a truck driver and replenishes store shelves with the products. His ultimate goal at the present is to find a job that will pay him more money and keep his weekends free. The job he has his eyes on is a well-known office supply store where he would deliver stacks of papers and supplies to different companies. He considers $14.95 an hour better pay than what he's making now.

He has no political views and very little spiritual views. His dream seems to go as far as working as a truck driver for that well-known office supply company. One child lives in one state and the rest lives in another. I'm not sure how he supports his children off the salary he makes. I'm not sure if he's paying child support at all. My questions are what are his goals and plans for the future? How will he pay their college education? Does he have a college fund set up for them? If he doesn't, is he putting a plan in place to escalate his income for the sake of his children and even for the stable life he will need in order to date seriously?

Though he is reasonably handsome and seemingly a nice guy, he's not on his game. Though my interest for him practically deflated with the realization he had four children, had he shared some firm goals and plans to improve his life, there was a chance I would have perked up a bit and even offered to help him carry his plans through.

Call me shallow, materialistic, a gold digger, a typical black woman... call me whatever... But, my future would hang in the balance of his if anything were to get serious. I'm not out to just date for fun. I'm looking for what could be something serious. And a brotha has to come more correct than four kids and a potato chip driver with no dreams. That just ain't working for me....

Sometimes You Have To Put Success On Hold

My sister, Gloria, died. None of us saw it coming. At 48 years old, wielding a wide, pretty smile and graceful energy death snatched her from our loving embrace. Surprise and pain hit hard and fast, leaving nothing but empty exclamations and questions swimming in my numb mind.

Everything stopped. My life -- life itself-- seemed to have been placed on hold. My only sister. My only sibling... what the hell? What the heaven? What the God? What the Devil? What the Fu$#*??? I felt it all and said it all, and then I had nothing to say nor think. She was gone...

Before being pimp slapped with this news, my mind revolved around the launching and giddy anticipated success of my dating website, blackfitandsingle.com. Everyday, I met a goal that got me closer to making it one of the best dating and fitness websites on the internet and beyond. I did not expect any delays and planned on pushing forward regardless of obstacles, until I got the tragic news about my sister. That's when it didn't matter anymore... Nothing did. Someone could have told me that my website was going to hell in a hand basket and I wouldn't have given a rat's behind about it. I wanted to be with my sister.

For a while my time was spent dealing with all the things associated with death: The coroner's office, funeral homes, caskets, plots, headstones, burials and money. It wasn't until she was placed in her final resting place and I was in mine that I finally grieved. A few days later blackfitandsingle slowly eased into my mind again, yet it seemed like a distant dream... something I had implemented and moved on from ions ago. As logic conquered my emotions I began to realize I had to continue on my journey with my website. I perused my notes and reminded myself of my daily goals that formed my ultimate plan. I realized then, that though Gloria has passed, I have to keep living. There was some twinge of guilt initially. But, I also knew that my sister would want me to move on and make her proud.

Though, implementing and driving my business to success is important to me, it just wasn't as important as my sister and my family. Everything, and I mean everything had to stop, and all my energy and attention was placed on love and grieving for her.

With a renewed energy and focus, blackfitandsingle.com is dedicated to my sister, Gloria A. Chalmers the most God-fearing, compassionate and loving woman I will ever have the honor of knowing and loving.

Online Dating - Recession Proof And Popular Across The U.S.!

Banks and the car industries are in jeopardy. People are losing their homes and jobs, and it almost seems as if there is no end to this economic madness! Yet, through all of this world-wide financial strain the online dating business stands victorious and prosperous.

Singles have cashed in their regular visits to bars and clubs and have turned to online dating websites to meet their prospective love. For what singles paid for fuel, drinks and dinner less can be spent for a one month membership.

But, money challenges aren't the only reason. Waddling in your PJ's with sleep encrusted eyes while looking at prospective mates is unavoidably convenient. Single men and women can search through a massive database of fellow members and choose their match based on their very own preferences.

For many, it's easy to express themselves behind a computer than it is in person. They don't have to stare in the ugly face of rejection. And when they find that mutually interested party, it gives them a chance to warm up through easy and convenient tools like email and chat. It's also a convenient out if that love interest turns out to be a dud!

You don't have to go any further than email and chat if you're not comfortable sharing personal information like your telephone number and address. Depending on the user name you selected for yourself, you could choose to disappear without ever being found again.

After reports of successful dating and even marriages, singles are signing up by the thousands to get in on the action for a chance at finding their soul mate.

It's hard to gauge how long the popularity of online dating will last. But, one thing is for sure. It's here and it's prosperous!

Women - Are We Chameleons or Slaves for Men?

A friend of mine text me today extremely excited about a new book Steve Harvey has released called Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. She was excited about it and told me that all the ladies were talking about it at the beauty salon and that it's a best seller at the book stores. I read her text message, mentally shrugged it off and remembered only a few days back reading about it in January's Jet Magazine. I had debated from the that point about buying it. But, just never got around to finishing that mental debate and reminded myself that there were books at home that are waiting in line for me to read.

I absently placed my Moto Q on the desk and continued what I was doing, when all of a sudden she texts me again. I grabbed the phone, and there she was explaining more about the book and how she used it on the guy that she's dating, and how one of the questions Steve Harvey suggested worked like a charm... just like he said it would.

I half cared and half thought I'd wish she'd go back to reading the book, so I can go back to doing what I was doing. The third text popped in just when I had finish reading the last one. I thought to myself, "This girl is too excited!" It's as if Steve came out with a magic formula to solve relationship problems between men and women.

I conceded just to be released from her texting grip and wrote back I'd buy the book tomorrow. Admittedly, her eagerness and excitement sparked in me a smidgen of interest in buying the book.

The suddenly I began thinking about Steve Harvey's book title, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man . Now, of course, I really need to read the book, because the title is not the entire story. But, that title sure makes me feel that I'd be the ideal woman for a man. Think about it. He would have the entire package. A woman feminine in every way, but can understand the thoughts, desires, concerns and passions of a man.

OK... say I finally get the man. When do I go back to being me? When do I go back to thinking like a woman? And what's wrong with thinking like a woman in the first place? And when does he act like a man and think like a woman? Or is that just too feminine for him to do? Would it be too much to ask him to get in touch with his feminine side in order to understand us ladies a bit more? Or can't we both understand that we're different and that we are who we are? Are we women to stifle are emotions because men have a hard time responding to them? When do we get to be women and be appreciated and embraced just for being us? Does the title mean that we've been wrong for thinking like women and the relationship disasters are our fault, and men are released from any of the blame?

We accommodate men in almost every way, including with our attire. The latest fashion has it that our blouses show so much cleavage than ever before. Just check out the magazines and television shows and commercials. That's not an example of women's liberation being urged. That's a form of sex, which attracts the attention of men. I can't think of a woman who would want to show her cleavage for any other reason. You tell me what normal man is not going to aim his eyes at one of his most favorite delicacies of a woman's anatomy? A friend told me that her husband would not allow her to go to bed with a silk scarf on. That she had to come to bed every, single night looking sexy, regardless of how he looked. She admits that keeping up with his request, and many others is time consuming and difficult. But, she doesn't want him to go elsewhere to find the comfort of another woman. On the other hand, he will not allow her to require much from him.

I can give numerous examples of what we women do and how we dress to receive a man's attention. But, now not only must we be sexy, hardworking, house cleaners, cooks (in some cases), sexual gratifiers and sexual freaks, but now we have to think like a man. Well, hell! Now, I know why all the gay guys are scooping up what's left of the men left and right, or why there's so many under cover brothers!

It seems we must be and have quietly conceded to being the mighty chameleons. It's not just desired but required to get a man these days. But, remember, I'm just basing this fleeting whim off of a title. I think I better get the book. I'm sure that's not what the book is about. Because if it is, I'm going to be pretty pissed off.

Pressing Through...

A stomach virus suddenly and viciously hijacked me and left me weak and bedridden for two days. During those two lifeless days I had no desire or energy to think about working out, let alone work on my plans for BlackFitAndSingle.com. I laid there weak and tired and thinking about last week's unfortunate delay. There was no way I could mentally work within the walls of my own apartment without my cat, Sweetpea. She died suddenly and traumatically. Even now, I can't bear to write much more about her than this. The week before that I experienced pain in my back so severe I almost went to the emergency room. It seemed as if the last four weeks were cursed weeks for me.

This week, I somehow caught some bug and I now sit here with some uncontrollable chest cold and vicious cough. Thank God I am not suffering any nasal congestion or a runny nose. But, it's not smart for me to go outside and run right now, as the congestion is rooted in my chest. But, my mind is clear! Clear enough to plan and prioritize all I need to do to make my business successful!

It took me years to get off my duff and do something for me. To do something I believe in and I would be passionate about. I love what I'm doing now. I am creating a dating and fitness website that will help people become and remain healthy while finding their true love! I can't let obstacles, large or small, interfere with my mission and passion! It took me years to finally step out and do something on my own. The death of my Sweetpea and minor physical ailments may have slowed me down. But, these things and future obstacles will not stop me from succeeding!

I'm coughing and writing you at the same time, because I refuse to delay my purpose any longer. These are the tidbits of difficult times. If I can't get through these, how will I get through the most difficult times that awaits me?

So, what did I do today regardless of my nagging cough and aching chest? I purchased my hosting service for BlackFitAndSingle.com and formed its LLC! That only took a click of a few buttons and a phone call... oh yeah, and some money, of course!

Now, I'll take a shower, curl up on my sofa, and continue to plan the pre-launching part of it.

Whatever is going on in our lives, we must remain focused! It's easy to turn our heads at the slightest inconveniences in our lives. If it's our time to shine, let the light in from all angles! Obstacles will come at us like shattered glass at impact. But, what does it matter? We must clear the mess up and keep heading toward what we were created to do!

Allow Me To Introduce Myself, and My Business...

Okay, I have to take this thing seriously for more reasons than being held accountable to you. Not only is my reputation on the line, but so is my new business. My health, my fitness, and my entire life is my business. I've just chosen to share my progress with you and have invited you to join my fitness cause and my pre-launch progress of my new dating website, BlackFitAndSingle.com due to launch in April of 2009!

I designed this website for people who are serious about finding and staying committed to their fit love, while continuing to stay committed to their fitness goals.

Aren't you tired of the yo-yo games you play with your weight and the games people play in relationships? BlackFitAndSingle.com brings together people 25 and up who are tired of the gameplaying and are looking to find a serious and committed relationship with a like-minded mate.

This website is also for me. If I can stir up your confidence to find the right mate and stay focused on your fitness goals, then surely I will also do the same. I want to venture through the struggle, the challenge, and the fun to become as fit as I possibly can. I want to encourage every mature adult to get fit and to believe that their true mate is waiting for them on BlackFitAndSingle.com.

BlackFitAndSingle.com will offer not only an opportunity to find your true and fit love, but it will also contain useful articles on health and fitness, relationship tips, and a host of healthy and delicious recipes. Of course, a dating website wouldn't be a dating website if it did not host forums, chat rooms, and instant messaging.

As the website continues to mature, each profile will house a workout calendar that you can choose to share with others and a dream board to set your fitness goals. You will be able to search our comprehensive directory of health clubs and personal trainers all over the country. Because of the numerous features that will be offered, I will continue to share them with you through this blog.

I have plans for this website. And all of these plan are for your benefit!

I will continue to share my fitness progress, along with the pre-launch progress of BlackFitAndSingle.com. I look forward to your questions, any ideas you may have to share, and your patronage.

To your fitness and future love!

Norine Jackson
President of
BlackFitAndSingle.com